Yeah... As the title states, I have a theory. I like to call it the kid effect. Basically, it's when you're trying to do something that's "important" (Maybe not important to society, but to you as an individual, VERY IMPORTANT) and you can't because kids wanna talk at that exact moment that you begin your task, or wanna show you they can spin real fast, or what they just saw on TV that you "Have to buy them for <insert closest day you get presents>, ok?". It is ridiculous!
I could be sitting there for hours at a time doing absolutely nothing. Not a question. Not a complaint. Not even a glance. But the MOMENT you get up and start to accomplish something, all hell breaks loose and the apocalypse is imminent. Not only that, but every mundane task they have done 100000000000000000000 times before on their own, they are suddenly struck with temporary Alzheimer's. They can't function and you need to do it for them.
"But, baby, you can get your own glass of water."
"No I can't, I cant find a cup."
"IThere are some in the cabinet."
"I couldn't find one."
"Did you actually look?"
"Yes!" (Full of attitude)
*walk over to the cabinet and open it*
EVERY EFFING CUP IS IN THERE CLEAN, ORGANIZED, AND ALMOST TO THE POINT OF FALLING OUT OF THE CABINET!!!
*Head explodes and a cup rolls over to the child as they then ask your lifeless corpse to pour it for them*
Maybe that's a little dramatic, but not far from the truth. And this happens anytime you want to do something.
Take a pee: Make a lunch
Get a drink of water: Find missing shoes
Watch TV: *crickets cheep*
Sit around on my big fat butt: *kids leave the room and go play*
The second I stand up to do anything: "DADDY! SHE WONT SHARE!!!!"
See the trend here? So being the genius I am, I put my theory to the test.
Sitting around doing absolutely nothing --------------- interrupted 0 times
Do some dishes --------------------------------------------- interrupted 4 times
Sweep the floor --------------------------------------------- interrupted 7 times
Sit down and send a few texts --------------------------- interrupted 0 times
Sat down to write this blog ------------------------------- interrupted 8 times and counting
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids and would do anything to them. In fact, seems I do everything for them. Yet, it's a common annoyance that I find somewhat fascinating. It's almost like magic. You can probably set your watch by it. *** Disclaimer: Seconds until interruption will vary by child and age***
Interruption 9
So, the trick is, making them think you're doing something unimportant all of the time!!! Or just give in and let your kids be your lords and masters until they are the age you can beat them senseless, or! until you can interrupt them! Yes! I think I'll do that! I'll plot and wait... Their high school years will be endless interruptions while doing homework, hanging with friends, at the mall.... Yes... This will be most enjoyable... unless I forget...
Interruption 10
Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you have better luck, more patience, or more Benadryl than I have. Until next time... :D
Monday, August 20, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Welcome Back!
After a year I decided to dust off this
old blog and write again. I have so much to say. Maybe I'll make this
somewhat interesting or maybe it'll just be a ton of content with no
real substance and you'll think it's all super boring. Either way,
imma do it! This blog brought to you by my stupid brain and all
things related and unimportant.
Just to make a pseudo check list of
all the things I want to write about and maybe a type of weird
foreshadowing for anyone following and salivating at the thought of
reading my next collection of idiotic thoughts/rants.
What the f*ck have you been doing this past year?
- What has changed
- What hasn't
The church and its people
Girls
Girls
Guys
My little angels
What it's like to live in Las Cruces
What's it like to be Joe
The future
Some other crap you will read, but not care about
Strange Random thoughts and questions
- This is more of a collection of mini blogs that don't really fit anywhere, but should be put out there for everyone's enjoyment/displeasure.
So, anyway, thanks for reading. I hope this will be somewhat entertaining, although probably not... :)
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Craigslist.... *Shakes head*
So... What's happening guys? I'm sitting here doing my homework and decided to write something short. Seeing as this is not really inspired, nor is it provoked, it is probably going to be dumb. I have nothing really relevant to say so I am just going to tell you a little about myself.
My name is Joe. I have a beautiful wife, whom I love dearly, three girl kids: Arielle (5), Connie (4), and Michelle (almost 1). They are what I work so hard for most days. There are days that I'm totally slacker. They are the reason I am in school now doing this crappy homework because, believe me, I would not be doing this for myself. We live in a little community where the the old people live on one side and the younger people live on the other. I have four cars right now which only 1.5 of them work. One has a bad transmission, one is leaking antifreeze so much that it is un-drivable, the half car's transmission works half of the time, and the truck works great. Of course the smallest vehicle we own, which can only fit two of five, works the best. I need to sell some of these things but finding a buyer in this city is tough. They come to look and "I'll give you $60". I reply "I'll give you $60 to get off my lawn. Don't insult me." I really don't like selling things. I never get quite what I want. I think I value them decently. I'm not trying to make my money back or anything.
On another topic, let me just say that when I'm on craigslist, I get so tired of people putting what they paid for the item in the description. Example:
"Sony fifty inch rear projection big screen. It has been very lightly used and is in perfect condition. I am also open to trades tools and things that go bang. I paid over 1600 new who ever ends up with this tv will be very happy with . Please include pictures of trades."
I don't flipping care how much you paid. Are you trying to tell me you want the full amount back? Do you want me to think that I'm getting a "good deal" on your 10 year old TV that you brought back to your cave on a dinosaur? "Yes sir! I will pay $1200 for your old junky TV. I see that you paid $1600 for it. Let me give you a little more. I feel bad that I'm getting such a good deal." I won't even talk about the character or the grammar of the poster. *Cough* Redneck *Cough* Maybe when I sell stuff, I should look real sad and tell people how much I paid for it. When they come and get it, maybe I should tatter my clothes a little. Maybe then I'll have better luck... I don't know. People are funny. I actually thought about taking a couple anthropology classes to figure people out but then decided I'm too scared to understand. Well, I think this has gone on long enough. Maybe next time I can write something more funny and less sarcastic, rude, cheeky, or whatever other adjective you want to use to describe this banter. And now I have ruined this perfectly nice post about my family and I. O well...
This is Rudy McRude *sigh*ing off....
My name is Joe. I have a beautiful wife, whom I love dearly, three girl kids: Arielle (5), Connie (4), and Michelle (almost 1). They are what I work so hard for most days. There are days that I'm totally slacker. They are the reason I am in school now doing this crappy homework because, believe me, I would not be doing this for myself. We live in a little community where the the old people live on one side and the younger people live on the other. I have four cars right now which only 1.5 of them work. One has a bad transmission, one is leaking antifreeze so much that it is un-drivable, the half car's transmission works half of the time, and the truck works great. Of course the smallest vehicle we own, which can only fit two of five, works the best. I need to sell some of these things but finding a buyer in this city is tough. They come to look and "I'll give you $60". I reply "I'll give you $60 to get off my lawn. Don't insult me." I really don't like selling things. I never get quite what I want. I think I value them decently. I'm not trying to make my money back or anything.
On another topic, let me just say that when I'm on craigslist, I get so tired of people putting what they paid for the item in the description. Example:
"Sony fifty inch rear projection big screen. It has been very lightly used and is in perfect condition. I am also open to trades tools and things that go bang. I paid over 1600 new who ever ends up with this tv will be very happy with . Please include pictures of trades."
I don't flipping care how much you paid. Are you trying to tell me you want the full amount back? Do you want me to think that I'm getting a "good deal" on your 10 year old TV that you brought back to your cave on a dinosaur? "Yes sir! I will pay $1200 for your old junky TV. I see that you paid $1600 for it. Let me give you a little more. I feel bad that I'm getting such a good deal." I won't even talk about the character or the grammar of the poster. *Cough* Redneck *Cough* Maybe when I sell stuff, I should look real sad and tell people how much I paid for it. When they come and get it, maybe I should tatter my clothes a little. Maybe then I'll have better luck... I don't know. People are funny. I actually thought about taking a couple anthropology classes to figure people out but then decided I'm too scared to understand. Well, I think this has gone on long enough. Maybe next time I can write something more funny and less sarcastic, rude, cheeky, or whatever other adjective you want to use to describe this banter. And now I have ruined this perfectly nice post about my family and I. O well...
This is Rudy McRude *sigh*ing off....
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Do You know how to use one of those things?
Greetings readers
Well, today I kept thinking about a true story that happened to me and how I wanted to put it on my little diary thing here. Now it is insanely late so here we are. I have to wake up in about three hours but enough about that. Here goes.
My buddy Resstopher was here visiting us a couple years ago. He came from a far off land where things are big and apparently should not be messed with. Anyway, he brought his wife and 3 kids along, seeing how his wife is my wife's BF. (That's best friend, not boyfriend. Ya dig?) And when these certain friends visit, really weird crap happens to us... Well, we were all hungry and wanted pizza. So they "sent the guys out", which can be explained in another more anger filled blog why it's in quotes. So, we decide to go get a couple cheap Little Caesars pizzas. We stand in line hours because we went on a Friday night. When we get to the front, we get our pizza and I'm about to pay. Now here's where it gets a little fuzzy. I cannot remember if the girl behind the register was talking to me or Ross, but she said "Do you know how to use one of those things?" I look over to see what she's talking about and she's pointing at a big clock. I looked back at her and asked "that clock". She says "yes". I am utterly bewildered. (Do people really not know how to tell time? I thought that was something you learn in the first grade?) I look over at Russ and he's equally as shocked as me. He tells her the time because I am too dumbfounded to speak, we get our pizza and leave. Then we talked about it the whole way home. When we got home, we told our wives and everyone laughed at the expense of the poor underprivileged girl who could not tell time. How can you make it through life not knowing how to tell time? How did she know when to go home? How did she know when to leave for work? Does she always have to ask someone when she needs to know the time?
Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the kind of stuff you will read about on this blog. Maybe it's not funny to some but for those it is funny to, I commend you for having a great sense of humor.
Ok. I'm tired now.
Farewell,
Joe
Well, today I kept thinking about a true story that happened to me and how I wanted to put it on my little diary thing here. Now it is insanely late so here we are. I have to wake up in about three hours but enough about that. Here goes.
My buddy Resstopher was here visiting us a couple years ago. He came from a far off land where things are big and apparently should not be messed with. Anyway, he brought his wife and 3 kids along, seeing how his wife is my wife's BF. (That's best friend, not boyfriend. Ya dig?) And when these certain friends visit, really weird crap happens to us... Well, we were all hungry and wanted pizza. So they "sent the guys out", which can be explained in another more anger filled blog why it's in quotes. So, we decide to go get a couple cheap Little Caesars pizzas. We stand in line hours because we went on a Friday night. When we get to the front, we get our pizza and I'm about to pay. Now here's where it gets a little fuzzy. I cannot remember if the girl behind the register was talking to me or Ross, but she said "Do you know how to use one of those things?" I look over to see what she's talking about and she's pointing at a big clock. I looked back at her and asked "that clock". She says "yes". I am utterly bewildered. (Do people really not know how to tell time? I thought that was something you learn in the first grade?) I look over at Russ and he's equally as shocked as me. He tells her the time because I am too dumbfounded to speak, we get our pizza and leave. Then we talked about it the whole way home. When we got home, we told our wives and everyone laughed at the expense of the poor underprivileged girl who could not tell time. How can you make it through life not knowing how to tell time? How did she know when to go home? How did she know when to leave for work? Does she always have to ask someone when she needs to know the time?
Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the kind of stuff you will read about on this blog. Maybe it's not funny to some but for those it is funny to, I commend you for having a great sense of humor.
Ok. I'm tired now.
Farewell,
Joe
Saturday, February 12, 2011
WOW! I never thought I'd have a blog but here we are!
I'm not sure how to kick this thing off other than to say "Thank you for coming by". Why is it in quotes? Well, I actually said it out loud. It's actually a quote from me. I'm not sure how much I'll be posting on here but feel free to stop by once in a while. I have a lot of stories I'm planning on telling. Maybe some really interesting ones will pop up here and there. Ok BYE!
ROFL,
Joe
ROFL,
Joe
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